My previous article discussed the AAA model for handling difficult conversations. There, I focused on handling difficult conversations more from the receiver’s perspective. In this article, we’ll discuss how to master giving difficult feedback using the SBI (Situation-Behavior-Impact) model. Also, we’ll see some practical tips for an effective feedback discussion.
We often find ourselves in situations where we must provide not-so-pleasant feedback to our colleagues or subordinates. Providing feedback on behavioral issues can be especially challenging. Moreover, giving such feedback can directly impact our relationship with the recipient. Therefore, we try our best to avoid giving difficult feedback. However, it often worsens the problem and leads to counterproductive outcomes.
In addition, giving difficult feedback is one of the key responsibilities in leadership roles. We cannot avoid or delay it.
As a first-time manager, I always dreaded giving difficult feedback. To some extent, I still feel uncomfortable. That said, using the SBI model made delivering difficult feedback noticeably easier for me.
So, let’s explore the SBI model in detail to understand how it can simplify these challenging conversations.
Understanding the SBI Model
SBI stands for Situation, Behavior, and Impact. Let’s examine each of these terms now.
Situation
The situation involves establishing the context of the discussion regarding the time and place of the behavior we wish to address. As per SBI model, this is the first thing we should start our feedback with. For example, we can say, “In the last team meeting”, “During the team event last week”, “In our last call” etc. The idea here is to be specific about when and where we noticed the problem.
Behavior
Next, we should mention the behavior itself. This is where we need to exercise caution. It is important not to jeopardize our relationship with the recipient. When discussing the behavior, one might become emotional and use phrases such as “You never do this,” “You always do that,” or “You better do this or else…”. Instead, we must remain objective about what occurred. For instance, we can say: “In the last team meeting, you interrupted me several times” or “At the team event last week, you arrived late” instead of “You often interrupted me” or “You never come on time”.
Impact
After stating the time and the observed behavior, the third step is to discuss the impact of the behavior on others. This helps the recipient understand the gravity of the situation. Also, it clarifies the need to address the problem. To understand it better, let’s see a few examples:
“In the last team meeting, you interrupted me several times. I felt offended because of this.”
“At the team event last week, you arrived late. Not being punctual creates a bad impression of the team in front of others.”
Why Use the SBI Model?
The SBI model is a great way to give feedback. It helps us to give a clear structure to the feedback. As a result, the feedback becomes constructive, clear, and actionable. Plus, focusing on specifics helps avoid unnecessary conflict.
Notably, delivering difficult feedback is not as easy as it sounds. It’s like having a superpower we can’t use when we need it the most. Practice is essential, much like how Spiderman had to improvise and hone his skills with his web-shooter to succeed.
Therefore, in the following section, let’s look at how we can improve our use of the SBI model.
Tips for Delivering Effective Feedback
Setting the Stage
First, before diving into a conversation we must practice using the SBI model to guide our conversation. We often overlook preparing for a conversation. And, that’s when things can go wrong. The technique I use for this is to meditate on what points I should discuss and, more importantly, what I should avoid.
Choose the Right Time and Place
Next, we must choose the right time and place for feedback discussions. This step is just as important as the feedback itself. Additionally, ensuring that both parties remain calm and maintain the right frame of mind fosters a constructive dialogue. I would recommend to always schedule the discussion in advance. This gives both the giver and the receiver the time to prepare. While scheduling, we should avoid a time of the day when both are usually busy or stressed. For example, I prefer to set up these discussions at the start of the day.
Set the Tone of the Discussion
Notably, the first step to initiate a dialogue is to establish the right tone. We should start the conversation positively. This helps create collaboration instead of confrontation.
Opening the discussion varies based on the recipient’s preferences. For some people, a bit of small talk is acceptable, while others prefer to get straight to the point. That is why, knowing the individual well helps navigate the conversation effectively.
Let Them Reflect and Share
This topic always reminds me of one of my managers. Interestingly, he used to be the only one talking in the one-on-one meetings. Initially, I was annoyed with his behavior, but later I developed a habit of listening to him without making any effort to respond. While a one-way discussion may seem straightforward, it is ultimately unproductive.
We must ensure an open dialogue during a feedback discussion. Therefore, after presenting our point using the SBI model, we should allow them time to reflect and share their thoughts. Sometimes, if they are not talking, we should encourage them to speak up by asking open-ended questions.
Be Mindful – Don’t Let Emotions Take Over
Furthermore, when we share feedback, especially a difficult one, there is always a response or reaction. People can get defensive, angry, start blaming, or worse – completely silent. Preparing for feedback delivery is important. Additionally, we must prepare to handle possible reactions. Because these are the moments we allow our emotions to drive the conversation. As a result, we lose control of the discussion. Therefore, we should set some mental checkpoints to ensure that we are sticking to the point. Of course, it takes time and practice to stay in control during a discussion.
Agree on the Next Steps
Finally, to conclude the discussion, it is essential to determine the next steps to effectively address the highlighted issue.
As the next step, we should guide the individual to commit to being mindful of their behavior, implement a performance or skill improvement plan, or establish regular check-ins to assess their progress.
Conclusion
In summary, mastering the art of delivering difficult feedback is essential for fostering healthier relationships and driving growth within teams. By using the SBI model, we can provide feedback in a structured and effective manner, ensuring that it remains objective, actionable, and constructive. Furthermore, incorporating practical tips such as preparing thoroughly beforehand, setting the right tone during the conversation, and encouraging open dialogue allows us to transform feedback discussions into valuable opportunities for improvement.
Moreover, with consistent effort and mindful practice, we can overcome the discomfort associated with these discussions and become a more confident, empathetic leader.
If you found this article helpful and wish to deepen your understanding of leadership topics, I encourage you to explore my other articles related to leadership. They offer additional insights and practical strategies to help you grow as an effective and inspiring leader.